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A Tragic Biochemist

(A prose poem)

by Masato "Giaour" Miyazaki

Once upon a time, there was a biochemist called Robber de Harrowing-Tongue in the eastern province of Quintonland. He was really a good scientist and he was doing research about magnetic influence over cabbage day in and day out. Because he used quite strong electromagnets for his experiments, eventually a certain part of himself became magnetized. Under normal circumstances, it was O.K., but when he got horny, his pulse generated 240 voltage electricity which made his thing turn into a strong magnet.

It was really a tragedy.

Robber could hardly take a walk safely, because he was easy to be excited. When he walked on the pavement one day, he saw a beautiful girl walking the other side of the street. Unfortunately, Danny Henrey’s Ford passing by was suddenly attracted to Robber’s fly and the door was dented a lot.

His room was not the safe shelter, either. When he was watching an X-rated video in his room, suddenly George Hector living next door crashed through the wall and dived into Robber’s trousers with his stainless steel knife and fork in his hands.

The king of Quintonland, Steve Hoey III, felt pity for Robber’s story, and ordered his subjects to find a magnetized woman in his country. There she was! Robber shed tears to find a girl to whom he could be fairly close. But the life was not that easy. The problem was that Robber and his girl were magnetized in the same magnetic pole, i.e. magnetic north, therefore they repelled each other at the most crucial moment. Poor Robber!

His career as a biochemist ended, because he could not get magnetized cabbage anyhow. However, he ironically won the Nobel Prize as a zoologist, by discovering every sheep was magnetized in magnetic south.